yup...i called it

i cried like a baby. i did a really good job when i was giving the "i'm proud of you. you're gonna be great second graders." speech. i even did pretty good when i started hugging them one by one. but then, the closer i got to the end of the line, the closer the tears came.

i hugged my precious darlings and started crying. i said something special and sweet to each child. i told kat and emily that i loved them very much and that i would remember them always. then we all walked down the hallway together.

our last line as miss henry's first grade class. it was perfect. when i dropped them off at music (we have early dismissal so they will leave from there today) i cried again. by this point, several of my students had tears in their eyes and ran to hug me an extra time telling me how much they would miss me. kat and emily moved to hug me last and we moved into the hallway, all crying. i cried like a little baby.

but you know, i didn't cry over only kat and emily. i cried over josh.

i cried over the one boy who never ceased to lie. the one boy who never quit picking on other people and tattling on them. i cried over the one boy who, after the first couple of months of school, tried so hard to make me happy even though he didn't know the right way to do it. i believe in josh. i believe he really can be a great person. but he'll have to decide. when he gets older, he will have to have someone else there to show him the way to live. his life right now doesn't permit him to see much honest, don't have to do anything for it, love. i hope that i was able to show him that. i heard him say to one of his buddies before we left our classroom, "dog, i think i might cry." he has it in there. he has the capacity to love and to feel the emotion given the right way. i hope he has other teachers who see his need and respond in the best way possible.

i cried for all of my kids going on from here. although there were many times they drove me crazy, there were many more times they made me fall in love with them. their sweet, silly, stinky little personalities. i guess that is what teaching is all about. loving the good and the bad and teaching our kids to make something positive out of it all. you know, i guess my kids taught me the positive too.

i pray for this class of soon-to-be second graders. i pray that they will be unaffected by the horrible things in this world. even as i pray that, i know it is impossible. so, i pray that when they are pushed to the limit, there will be a loving person there to show them where to go, how to live. i pray that for the rest of their days, Jesus walks beside them and somehow directs their lives to him even when no one else around them seems to care. i pray that kat and emily will grow up to be healthy, beautiful, smart and well-adjusted women. i pray that josh will find the real meaning of life and learn to share that with others.

i pray that in all of the good and bad of first grade, these kids will remember me and know that i loved them dearly.