Monday, March 31, 2008

the 12 step guide to making new friends in a weird place in life...i could really use one.

well, michael played golf on friday. michael played golf on saturday. michael is planning to play golf again on thursday. i got mad.

not like yelling, screaming, idiot mad, just a little...ruffled.

as i was apologizing for my stupid behavior, i realized why i even acted that way in the beginning. you see, in my heart, i have nothing against golf. i mean, after hours of watching it on tv, i may start to get a little crazy but for the most part, golf and i have a pretty good relationship. i mean we kind of have to work at it to have a good marriage but that is what we all want.

the thing is, when michael well...has a life...i realize how i don't.

i don't have any friends here. when i mentioned that to my husband, he asked how i could make friends.

i don't know.

honestly, i don't know.

i had no problem with making friends before but now i'm not in school, i'm not attending a regular church (yet), i'm not going to go to the bar to meet people my age and i just don't know what to do. we occasionally hang out with the golf guys and their wives, but they're all in different places in life. i work with some great people too, but still...different.

i like being here with my husband and i'm really happy that he is happy. he has a great job in which he is successful and challenged. he has friends and a hobby which he loves. i just wanna be happy here too.

what on earth do i do? how do i make new friends in this situation?

sigh...

13 comments:

kdp said...

what about scrap booking club. i am not a scrapper, but a group of teachers meet in a room once a week or once every two weeks to scrap together. maybe some of the teachers who might come to the club, you might not know that well and you might really enjoy getting to know the real them.

or what about after school, starting a walking group around the school. you could kill two birds with one stone.

or maybe you could do a coffee and book club. i am sure there is a more cutsie name you could give your group.

the last two are some of the of the ideas i am going to try when we move up to a new area.

or a movie club.

just a few ideas.

hope they help.

kimmie

Meems said...

I have to admit it is a lot easier making friends when you have young children. They have so many different groups to be a part of.

Ideas...
1. Bunco
2. Go to the gym at the same time every day, or take some type of aerobic class.
3. The class idea extends to any activity you enjoy. Dancing, cake decorating, sewing, cooking.....
4. Volunteer. This might be the best way to make friends...prolife clinic...shelter...at whatever church you end up attending...food pantry...blood bank...chamber of commerce...and so on.

Remember that it takes time to adjust in a new place. It will happen if you work at it. Do not get discouraged. As soon as you get in a church and into your home you will have much more connection in your community.

ree said...

I agree with meems...it will get better once you're in your new house and get settled in your neighborhood...of course, that doesn't help you now.

The best thing I know to do is to be a friend to someone that you might see without one. Not only would you be being a friend, you'll be gaining one, too!

Love and miss you, too!!! =)

Sarah P. Henry said...

oh, sister. i'm sad for you. i wish you were here being friends with me. but i know the Lord has some amazing friends for you in san antonio. i would pray that He would bring them to you. and then do those things everyone else is saying. i definitely think you'll feel less..transient...once you get in your own house. and i know Jesus will bring you to the right church soon.

i'm praying for you.

cls said...

Ugh. I know exactly how you feel. I've only made a handful of good friends in the three years I've been living here...and they're all wives of men in our squadron or teachers I worked with at the high school.

Is there anyone at school friend-worthy? How about at Michael's work? Does he have any buddies with wives?

A lot of my "friendships" have been very forced. Most of them didn't work out, but a select and very precious few did and I am very thankful for the couple of good friends I have now.

Just get out there. When someone looks interesting, there's no shame in asking for their phone number or email and then suggesting a get-together. It's forced and often awkward, but that's the only way it works sometimes. And if they turn out to be some weirdo, well, you lose nothing. If they turn out to be wonderful, then you've gained a friend.

Joining a church will be incredibly helpful. And so would taking a class. What do you enjoy? Sign up for it and put yourself out there. It may feel silly, but when you're the new kid, you don't really have a choice.

I'll be thinking of you. Having a husband as our only friend is difficult...and it does create conflict to be reliant on one person all the time. You'll do just fine. :)

Adam said...

Pam and I have had the same spat a time or two (ya know the "golf" one). I used to have quite a few friends I hung out with but not so much now, some at school but usually just me and Pam. I think you should learn to play golf!! :) Also I find that you can find good friends at a gym. Go to an aerobics class and you will find someone you could hang out with. Or worse comes to worse do like I do and talk to all the voices in your head, there always around and always have something interesting to say. :)

JAC said...

Maybe you could take a class - I made quite a few friends when I took a painting class. After all these years (about 13 years) I still hear from one of them often. You could come back here and live. I'm sure both of you could find a job!!!! You would certainly make your mom and dad happy - and think how happy little E would be. I miss you.....so much.

crys said...

just come home!!!

just kidding...kinda.

praying for you, friend. that's all i can do. because you KNOW i don't have any advice to give.

kablot spot said...

I can tell you what not to do:
DON'T...

work all the time.

That's all I got.

team D said...

I not much help because making friends doesn't come easy for me. But God has always blessed me with a mother type where ever I am to help me and then at least one close friend. So all I can do is pray and hope things work out. I wish we moved with you but that didn't work out.

Nanna's Place said...

I know God is faithful and He knows where you are right know in life....I know once you get settled in a church and get connected in a "cell group" friends will be found.....You are so likeable and easy to talk with. I will pray that He send a special friend that you can relate with and to. Know this, that there is someone out there looking for a friend as well, a "kindred spirit ". Ask the Lord to show you who that person is. He not only sent Michael to San Antonio, but you also for a specific reason and a specific person. I'll keep praying. Love You

beautiful chaos said...

Do something really embarrassing in front of a large group of people - then laugh about it.
People like that.
hehehe

(NEVER take my advice on friend-making. That is the best advice I can give you.)

marme said...

I miss my best friend...

I agree, God not only sent michael to SA, but he sent you too.

He does have a plan we must trust.

That's all I have to hold onto.

I love you my precious girl, but you're stronger than me, and if I can do it, I know you can.