a dream realized, again.

from my mentor's in san angelo, i have adapted a certain way to run my classroom. it deals mostly with my stations (or centers) and it works very well. my team leader here and another team member have decided, after much research, that this is the way to go.

rosemary and karen have been spending some money to get their stations up and running, just as i did four years ago. it's been fun having them look through my stuff and ask questions and seek advice. it's also been fun helping them spend their money on fun learning games and manipulatives. yesterday, while having yet another discussion about our stations, rosemary tells karen that while she thinks this year will be a little expensive on them, they will have all of this stuff next year and for years to come.

unexpectedly, my heart sank a little. now, i'm not saying things will work out just as michael and i have planned, but if they do, we could possibly have a baby next year (no i'm not pregnant and no we're not even trying yet). the original plan was for me to stay home and be mama once that happens. so at rosemary's comment, i sat in that room and pictured my friends and coworkers at this very exciting time next year, planning and spending and being excited about trying to make a difference in lives...without me. it actually made me rethink my decision to stay home.

now, i'm not saying the decision has been made one way or the other, but i am oddly happy that i experienced this bit of sadness. in the world of teaching, it's easy to forget or overlook the lovely things and uplifting times. yesterday, i got to know for sure that i am doing what i love to do. i love it enough to rethink leaving if i were ever given the choice.

i know the day may come that because of my own children i could not possibly think of going back to work. but for right now, i am genuinely grateful that because of someone else's children, whom i've yet to meet, i cannot possibly think of staying home.