i'm nervous.

i don't have a job yet, haven't heard a thing. our home hasn't sold either, but i'm not as worried about that. a few months ago i thought i'd be okay without a teaching job, i could always do something else. however, the past few weeks, without the prospect of a teaching job, i have started to worry.

what if august gets here and i don't have a job? what if we still have a house payment and not a second income? what happens if i don't get a job and we don't sell our house and my husband and i spend more months pulling the long distance thing.

today on the way home from sa, my feelings took on an overwhelming, incredibly discouraged, depressing tone. i became nervous thinking of all of the "what ifs". my heart was so heavy and i was scared. within a few minutes, my sister texted me. we began talking about the decisions we were facing in our lives. the fact that time was running out and we didn't know what to do. where should we turn? what decision should we make? after one of my responses, i began to pray for sarah and myself and our families. i prayed that God would take care of us and give us the peace we needed to make the right decisions and to be blessed with opportunity to stay in His will. in the middle of that prayer i was reminded of a scripture

"be anxious for nothing, but in all things with prayer and thanksgiving make your request known to God."

it was the first time in a long time i had actually felt God speak to me. i began to cry and told sarah what God had said. she responded much the way i felt. it is hard to not be nervous. it is hard to not worry. it is hard to remember that the God "who named us" holds our future in his hands. but as sarah and i continued talking, God spoke through us more and more, renewing his promise to never leave us.

i made it home a little later and immediately opened my computer to check in on the lives of my dear friends. there were soooooo many things that God said to me through your blogs.
i heard God tell me to take joy in who he has made me to be, to not worry over him taking care of me, to remember that he named me before there was time, to know that even our steps are ordered, and to remember that He provides for us in unexpected ways. when i got to sarah's lullaby blog, another song immediately jumped into my heart. a blog or two later, i see crystal, expectation. this is the exact song i had been thinking of. tears began flowing without hesitation. i've been crying ever since.

God, thank you for saying it as many times as i needed to hear it to understand that you are God, you are in control, and you will provide. i honor you and i glorify your name. you are my father on high. you know the end from the beginning and you know the path i am to take. i pray that you continue to remind me to be anxious for nothing and to expect a a visit from you.

i will wait no longer, my Lord, to sit at your feet and drink from the cup in your hand. sit back against you and breathe. feel your heart beat.

i expect the overwhelming feelings to no longer be my worries, but your peace. thank you.